Lots of folks are saying that, so maybe it's something I ought to do.... I have a plan to refer back to these two in a specific way later in the larger work, though it'd be more of an easter-egg than a full story... We'll see
Thanks for sharing. I appreciated that the "story" part started almost immediately. No long descriptions about setting or backstory (not that that is always wrong), just two people having a conversation and we're being invited to watch. It felt intimate in a good way.
Thanks for reading, and for noticing that. When it comes to short fiction like this I make an effort to get right to it if I can. Not only narratively, but with the post format as well. If it's fiction, I try to make the post start immediately with the prose rather than a preamble, but I did feel it worth mentioning that this is excerpting a larger project...
"Work entirely on its own" it does. I'm a fan of a single scene working as a story in itself when isolated from the whole. You've done that here (but pricked my interest for more! I've been meaning to read more of your work; I'll keep you on my radar).
Thanks, CM. If you have the time, I'd love your thoughts on some of my other stories. And to your comment: while I don't think every scene/chapter has to be rigorously story-boarded or given a true structure, there's a lot to be learned from applying story structures in a nano-fashion on to individual scenes (conflict, escalation, resolution, etc.), so that every scene is its own story. At times, literally so, as it is here. Thanks again for reading & sharing
Right, I've heard screenwriters will really try to apply "story structures in a nano-fashion" to their film's individual scenes. Interestingly enough, I've noticed that distinctly in novels that had a film or theater adaptation in mind (like Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, or The Moon is Down).
i think your explanation is as good as the story itself Eric. ive taken a break from fantasy for years sci fi is my thing and a bit of horror but your writing has the taught sparse feel to it i like
Slow to rely here, Nick, but thanks for taking the time to read and comment. If you want something where I lean into the sparse prose (and sprinkle in some elements of horror too), then I’d invite you to check out my story: “For Want of Safe Harbor.” It’s only a little longer than this one but much more full.
"for want of safe harbour" woah thats a bleak one Eric! just how i likes 'em! I do like your style. Again, fantasy doesnt do it for me these days but maybe im just out of the loop. I tended to find everything was derivative of tolkein and le guin and as soon as i read "elves" or "orcs" etc i just go "yap yap yap" "wizards, quests, rune stones yawn".
your work is temptingly different in terms of the human emotion.
I don’t usually go in for Tolkien-lite trope either, but I can still have fun with them. But to your point, if there’s no human emotion at the heart of it all, it’s just useless window dressing.
Wow, this is so touching Eric. What you say is true, it is the normal people, the ones who are usually in the background that makes fantasy stories feel so real and as you say epic. There really is so much feeling to your characters, it is very heartwarming
Holy cow, this was so good. I haven't read Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn, but I know those other examples and this is right up there. I felt for these people. Oh, man.
At some point I'll get a review of that series up, since it blends classic fantasy tropes with a heartfelt prose and ultimately does this sort of "common folks make it meaningful" thing really well. Thanks for reading, Michael.
This is fantastic, Eric! So many wonderful lines, looks, unsaid feelings between them. Maybe my favorite is: “Better that they have the memory of a father to be proud of, than a husk of a man grown bitter with regret.” — ouch. She knows him so well.
Thanks, J. You're right: she knows him so well. Her words are the kind of chastisement that can only be spoken well in the context of a deep love and knowledge of the other....
Loved this. The love between these "ordinary" people really shines through in every part of it, especially the wife wanting him to go because "If you do not go, you will have no peace in your heart.”
Thanks! I was proud of that line, tbh. I almost stole it the ribcage phrase for use in a different story, but I didn’t want to rob this moment of its imagery. So glad you enjoyed the story.
Wow, thanks! I'll be sure to be promoting it here whenever it becomes buy-able! The lack of quotation marks was--in this case--a deliberate choice. An uncharacteristic one for me, to be honest, and I thought about re-writing all the husband's "dialogue" to make it more separate from the narrator, but something told me to take the risk and try it. I'm still not sure if it works, so your comment speaks to the fact that I didn't pull it off quite how I wanted. Alas....
This is masterful writing, masterful storytelling. I ached for these people and felt all their pain and uncertainty. Truly wonderful work!
Thanks, Liz!
I love this. And I'm interested in the ordinary people as well.
Thanks for reading! There will be more like it in the future
This was beautiful, I'm glad I read it, needed to see it to-day. Thank you, it has honestly been a balm on my very soul, merci Eric Falden.
I'm incredibly glad it's what you needed today : ) Expect this to come your way again on S&Saturday.
Okay
Enjoyable and relatable. Not only does it work standalone, it could work as the beginning of a story, too.
Lots of folks are saying that, so maybe it's something I ought to do.... I have a plan to refer back to these two in a specific way later in the larger work, though it'd be more of an easter-egg than a full story... We'll see
Thanks for sharing. I appreciated that the "story" part started almost immediately. No long descriptions about setting or backstory (not that that is always wrong), just two people having a conversation and we're being invited to watch. It felt intimate in a good way.
Thanks for reading, and for noticing that. When it comes to short fiction like this I make an effort to get right to it if I can. Not only narratively, but with the post format as well. If it's fiction, I try to make the post start immediately with the prose rather than a preamble, but I did feel it worth mentioning that this is excerpting a larger project...
"Work entirely on its own" it does. I'm a fan of a single scene working as a story in itself when isolated from the whole. You've done that here (but pricked my interest for more! I've been meaning to read more of your work; I'll keep you on my radar).
Thanks, CM. If you have the time, I'd love your thoughts on some of my other stories. And to your comment: while I don't think every scene/chapter has to be rigorously story-boarded or given a true structure, there's a lot to be learned from applying story structures in a nano-fashion on to individual scenes (conflict, escalation, resolution, etc.), so that every scene is its own story. At times, literally so, as it is here. Thanks again for reading & sharing
Right, I've heard screenwriters will really try to apply "story structures in a nano-fashion" to their film's individual scenes. Interestingly enough, I've noticed that distinctly in novels that had a film or theater adaptation in mind (like Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, or The Moon is Down).
Very enjoyable read! You’re right, it’s the ordinary people in stories that give them weight. Well done!
i think your explanation is as good as the story itself Eric. ive taken a break from fantasy for years sci fi is my thing and a bit of horror but your writing has the taught sparse feel to it i like
Slow to rely here, Nick, but thanks for taking the time to read and comment. If you want something where I lean into the sparse prose (and sprinkle in some elements of horror too), then I’d invite you to check out my story: “For Want of Safe Harbor.” It’s only a little longer than this one but much more full.
https://open.substack.com/pub/ericfalden/p/for-want-of-safe-harbor?r=3ecd72&utm_medium=ios
"for want of safe harbour" woah thats a bleak one Eric! just how i likes 'em! I do like your style. Again, fantasy doesnt do it for me these days but maybe im just out of the loop. I tended to find everything was derivative of tolkein and le guin and as soon as i read "elves" or "orcs" etc i just go "yap yap yap" "wizards, quests, rune stones yawn".
your work is temptingly different in terms of the human emotion.
I don’t usually go in for Tolkien-lite trope either, but I can still have fun with them. But to your point, if there’s no human emotion at the heart of it all, it’s just useless window dressing.
This is what makes fantasy real.
Wow, this is so touching Eric. What you say is true, it is the normal people, the ones who are usually in the background that makes fantasy stories feel so real and as you say epic. There really is so much feeling to your characters, it is very heartwarming
Thanks, Ika 😊 I’m glad you found it heartwarming
Holy cow, this was so good. I haven't read Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn, but I know those other examples and this is right up there. I felt for these people. Oh, man.
At some point I'll get a review of that series up, since it blends classic fantasy tropes with a heartfelt prose and ultimately does this sort of "common folks make it meaningful" thing really well. Thanks for reading, Michael.
This is fantastic, Eric! So many wonderful lines, looks, unsaid feelings between them. Maybe my favorite is: “Better that they have the memory of a father to be proud of, than a husk of a man grown bitter with regret.” — ouch. She knows him so well.
Thanks, J. You're right: she knows him so well. Her words are the kind of chastisement that can only be spoken well in the context of a deep love and knowledge of the other....
Loved this. The love between these "ordinary" people really shines through in every part of it, especially the wife wanting him to go because "If you do not go, you will have no peace in your heart.”
Thanks for reading, Stephanie. I’m pleased that their love came across on-page
“…letting his ribcage open with ugly sobs.”
DUDE. The way this line punched me in the gut! This was really, really well done.
Thanks! I was proud of that line, tbh. I almost stole it the ribcage phrase for use in a different story, but I didn’t want to rob this moment of its imagery. So glad you enjoyed the story.
A hatchet and a spear... plus two days worth of food. This was so good :D
Thanks, BK. Appreciate the read and comment
When you decide to publish this. Let me know so I can buy the paperback.
There are just a few things to fix. You left out quotation marks here and there, which makes reading interesting.
Other than that, I found it interesting.
Wow, thanks! I'll be sure to be promoting it here whenever it becomes buy-able! The lack of quotation marks was--in this case--a deliberate choice. An uncharacteristic one for me, to be honest, and I thought about re-writing all the husband's "dialogue" to make it more separate from the narrator, but something told me to take the risk and try it. I'm still not sure if it works, so your comment speaks to the fact that I didn't pull it off quite how I wanted. Alas....
You aren't the first person to do it. Some famous writers chose not to use quotation marks. I get lost reading books like those.
I loves my quotation marks.