Lots of folks are saying that, so maybe it's something I ought to do.... I have a plan to refer back to these two in a specific way later in the larger work, though it'd be more of an easter-egg than a full story... We'll see
Thanks! I hope to be able to share it one day. First I gotta finish it, and make sure it has legs. Otherwise it'll just be fodder for a whole lot of other short fiction pieces like this, haha
Thanks for sharing. I appreciated that the "story" part started almost immediately. No long descriptions about setting or backstory (not that that is always wrong), just two people having a conversation and we're being invited to watch. It felt intimate in a good way.
Thanks for reading, and for noticing that. When it comes to short fiction like this I make an effort to get right to it if I can. Not only narratively, but with the post format as well. If it's fiction, I try to make the post start immediately with the prose rather than a preamble, but I did feel it worth mentioning that this is excerpting a larger project...
"Work entirely on its own" it does. I'm a fan of a single scene working as a story in itself when isolated from the whole. You've done that here (but pricked my interest for more! I've been meaning to read more of your work; I'll keep you on my radar).
Thanks, CM. If you have the time, I'd love your thoughts on some of my other stories. And to your comment: while I don't think every scene/chapter has to be rigorously story-boarded or given a true structure, there's a lot to be learned from applying story structures in a nano-fashion on to individual scenes (conflict, escalation, resolution, etc.), so that every scene is its own story. At times, literally so, as it is here. Thanks again for reading & sharing
Right, I've heard screenwriters will really try to apply "story structures in a nano-fashion" to their film's individual scenes. Interestingly enough, I've noticed that distinctly in novels that had a film or theater adaptation in mind (like Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, or The Moon is Down).
Wow, this is so touching Eric. What you say is true, it is the normal people, the ones who are usually in the background that makes fantasy stories feel so real and as you say epic. There really is so much feeling to your characters, it is very heartwarming
Holy cow, this was so good. I haven't read Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn, but I know those other examples and this is right up there. I felt for these people. Oh, man.
At some point I'll get a review of that series up, since it blends classic fantasy tropes with a heartfelt prose and ultimately does this sort of "common folks make it meaningful" thing really well. Thanks for reading, Michael.
This is fantastic, Eric! So many wonderful lines, looks, unsaid feelings between them. Maybe my favorite is: “Better that they have the memory of a father to be proud of, than a husk of a man grown bitter with regret.” — ouch. She knows him so well.
Thanks, J. You're right: she knows him so well. Her words are the kind of chastisement that can only be spoken well in the context of a deep love and knowledge of the other....
Loved this. The love between these "ordinary" people really shines through in every part of it, especially the wife wanting him to go because "If you do not go, you will have no peace in your heart.”
Thanks! I was proud of that line, tbh. I almost stole it the ribcage phrase for use in a different story, but I didn’t want to rob this moment of its imagery. So glad you enjoyed the story.
Wow, thanks! I'll be sure to be promoting it here whenever it becomes buy-able! The lack of quotation marks was--in this case--a deliberate choice. An uncharacteristic one for me, to be honest, and I thought about re-writing all the husband's "dialogue" to make it more separate from the narrator, but something told me to take the risk and try it. I'm still not sure if it works, so your comment speaks to the fact that I didn't pull it off quite how I wanted. Alas....
Thanks, Maximilian. In the larger work I have a plan to hearken back to these two in a specific way, though it'd be more of an easter-egg than a real "story" ...
Very cool. Despite all my issues with Brandon Sanderson, something I loved about Stormlight Archive was all of the little interlude chapters, some of which were in totally different parts of the setting with only the barest connection to the main plot. It made the world feel big, and getting to see what ordinary people are up to makes it feel that much more alive. As you pointed out it also makes all the crazy stuff going on in the main plot feel that much crazier.
Contrast this with something like the Malazan books, where he states several time how rare magic and monsters are but all the reader ever sees is magic, monsters and craziness, so it doesn't feel like the world is populated by normal, non magical adventure having people.
No shade on Malazan though. Behind LOTR it's probably my favorite fantasy series
I've always hesitated to pick up Malazan because I've heard the narrative starts over so many times. But it IS on my to-be-read list! That's high praise too, so maybe I'll bump it up closer to the top....
Agreed about that being a strength of Stormlight, too.
Yeah the first three books are all about different sets of characters in different parts of the world. Erickson doesn't hold your hand either, he throws you in the deep end and expects you to figure out what's going on. It's definitely not light reading.
To be honest the first book is pretty rough, Erickson himself admits he was still working things out. The second book is such a massive step up though, and then the rest of the series is phenomenal.
I like it! I have the slightest of qualms with this sentence, however: "They gave affirmations and love, with word and heart and body." The word 'affirmations' seems very modern/French/Latinate, and I wonder if it fits with the rest of the story, which leans more medieval/Anglo-Saxon. Maybe the word 'care' would fit there, or something similar?
That never would have occurred to me, to be honest. Agreed that this word is probably the least-Germanic of the bunch, but that wasn't intentional. To be honest I don't find myself thinking along those lines, although with characters like these I usually try to find the common-est sounding phrasings, which in turn leads to predictably Germanic/Anglo-Saxon nouns rather than Franco-Latinate ones. (swineflesh > pork, house > mansion).... This gives me something to ponder...
Of course, I'm not against Franco-Latinate words as such (though you're right that they may not work as well in dialogue with characters like these); I think I took issue with 'affirmations' in particular due to that word's association with the modern account of love languages. It feels a little anachronistic, a modern concept thrown abruptly into a medieval story. Also, I'm not sure if it has a powerful, evocative meaning for people outside of that account. If I asked someone what a 'compliment' is and what an 'affirmation' is, they'd likely give a better answer for the former.
This thread turned into more of a soapbox than I wanted; apologies. I really did like the story! The line about "letting his ribcage open" was striking!
Haha, no worries about soapboxing. I wouldn’t have put affirmations solely in that definition—I meant it in a more literal sense in that their words and actions are affirming that which already exists between them—but this is another lesson in writing, in that what you mean, what you write, and what the audience understands can all be separate things. A good writer must align the three but anticipating specific ways the audience might interpret the words at variance from the authors intention. That’s the concept that I myself soapbox about to other writers (as someone who’s worked as an editor) and now I have a recent example from my own writing to pontificate about 😜
I think my suggestion is that the literal sense of 'affirming' is itself deeply abstract; it doesn't look like anything in particular. If readers are to imagine (that is, make an image of) what the line describes, I'm not sure that the word 'affirming' adds to that image.
This is masterful writing, masterful storytelling. I ached for these people and felt all their pain and uncertainty. Truly wonderful work!
Thanks, Liz!
I love this. And I'm interested in the ordinary people as well.
Thanks for reading! There will be more like it in the future
This was beautiful, I'm glad I read it, needed to see it to-day. Thank you, it has honestly been a balm on my very soul, merci Eric Falden.
I'm incredibly glad it's what you needed today : ) Expect this to come your way again on S&Saturday.
Okay
Enjoyable and relatable. Not only does it work standalone, it could work as the beginning of a story, too.
Lots of folks are saying that, so maybe it's something I ought to do.... I have a plan to refer back to these two in a specific way later in the larger work, though it'd be more of an easter-egg than a full story... We'll see
Really enjoyed this and look forward to one day reading the full work, man!
Thanks! I hope to be able to share it one day. First I gotta finish it, and make sure it has legs. Otherwise it'll just be fodder for a whole lot of other short fiction pieces like this, haha
It’s a great idea to share these as snippets. I might have to do something similar!
Thanks for sharing. I appreciated that the "story" part started almost immediately. No long descriptions about setting or backstory (not that that is always wrong), just two people having a conversation and we're being invited to watch. It felt intimate in a good way.
Thanks for reading, and for noticing that. When it comes to short fiction like this I make an effort to get right to it if I can. Not only narratively, but with the post format as well. If it's fiction, I try to make the post start immediately with the prose rather than a preamble, but I did feel it worth mentioning that this is excerpting a larger project...
"Work entirely on its own" it does. I'm a fan of a single scene working as a story in itself when isolated from the whole. You've done that here (but pricked my interest for more! I've been meaning to read more of your work; I'll keep you on my radar).
Thanks, CM. If you have the time, I'd love your thoughts on some of my other stories. And to your comment: while I don't think every scene/chapter has to be rigorously story-boarded or given a true structure, there's a lot to be learned from applying story structures in a nano-fashion on to individual scenes (conflict, escalation, resolution, etc.), so that every scene is its own story. At times, literally so, as it is here. Thanks again for reading & sharing
Right, I've heard screenwriters will really try to apply "story structures in a nano-fashion" to their film's individual scenes. Interestingly enough, I've noticed that distinctly in novels that had a film or theater adaptation in mind (like Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, or The Moon is Down).
Wow, this is so touching Eric. What you say is true, it is the normal people, the ones who are usually in the background that makes fantasy stories feel so real and as you say epic. There really is so much feeling to your characters, it is very heartwarming
Thanks, Ika 😊 I’m glad you found it heartwarming
Holy cow, this was so good. I haven't read Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn, but I know those other examples and this is right up there. I felt for these people. Oh, man.
At some point I'll get a review of that series up, since it blends classic fantasy tropes with a heartfelt prose and ultimately does this sort of "common folks make it meaningful" thing really well. Thanks for reading, Michael.
This is fantastic, Eric! So many wonderful lines, looks, unsaid feelings between them. Maybe my favorite is: “Better that they have the memory of a father to be proud of, than a husk of a man grown bitter with regret.” — ouch. She knows him so well.
Thanks, J. You're right: she knows him so well. Her words are the kind of chastisement that can only be spoken well in the context of a deep love and knowledge of the other....
Loved this. The love between these "ordinary" people really shines through in every part of it, especially the wife wanting him to go because "If you do not go, you will have no peace in your heart.”
Thanks for reading, Stephanie. I’m pleased that their love came across on-page
“…letting his ribcage open with ugly sobs.”
DUDE. The way this line punched me in the gut! This was really, really well done.
Thanks! I was proud of that line, tbh. I almost stole it the ribcage phrase for use in a different story, but I didn’t want to rob this moment of its imagery. So glad you enjoyed the story.
A hatchet and a spear... plus two days worth of food. This was so good :D
Thanks, BK. Appreciate the read and comment
When you decide to publish this. Let me know so I can buy the paperback.
There are just a few things to fix. You left out quotation marks here and there, which makes reading interesting.
Other than that, I found it interesting.
Wow, thanks! I'll be sure to be promoting it here whenever it becomes buy-able! The lack of quotation marks was--in this case--a deliberate choice. An uncharacteristic one for me, to be honest, and I thought about re-writing all the husband's "dialogue" to make it more separate from the narrator, but something told me to take the risk and try it. I'm still not sure if it works, so your comment speaks to the fact that I didn't pull it off quite how I wanted. Alas....
You aren't the first person to do it. Some famous writers chose not to use quotation marks. I get lost reading books like those.
I loves my quotation marks.
Nice story. You're right that it works as a stand alone piece. It would make for a good beginning of a story about the father and son as well.
Thanks, Maximilian. In the larger work I have a plan to hearken back to these two in a specific way, though it'd be more of an easter-egg than a real "story" ...
Very cool. Despite all my issues with Brandon Sanderson, something I loved about Stormlight Archive was all of the little interlude chapters, some of which were in totally different parts of the setting with only the barest connection to the main plot. It made the world feel big, and getting to see what ordinary people are up to makes it feel that much more alive. As you pointed out it also makes all the crazy stuff going on in the main plot feel that much crazier.
Contrast this with something like the Malazan books, where he states several time how rare magic and monsters are but all the reader ever sees is magic, monsters and craziness, so it doesn't feel like the world is populated by normal, non magical adventure having people.
No shade on Malazan though. Behind LOTR it's probably my favorite fantasy series
I've always hesitated to pick up Malazan because I've heard the narrative starts over so many times. But it IS on my to-be-read list! That's high praise too, so maybe I'll bump it up closer to the top....
Agreed about that being a strength of Stormlight, too.
Yeah the first three books are all about different sets of characters in different parts of the world. Erickson doesn't hold your hand either, he throws you in the deep end and expects you to figure out what's going on. It's definitely not light reading.
To be honest the first book is pretty rough, Erickson himself admits he was still working things out. The second book is such a massive step up though, and then the rest of the series is phenomenal.
Would you recommend starting with book two then? Or is there enough connectedness that it’s worth going in publication order?
You could probably read the first three in any order, just make sure you've read all three before going onto book four.
I like it! I have the slightest of qualms with this sentence, however: "They gave affirmations and love, with word and heart and body." The word 'affirmations' seems very modern/French/Latinate, and I wonder if it fits with the rest of the story, which leans more medieval/Anglo-Saxon. Maybe the word 'care' would fit there, or something similar?
That never would have occurred to me, to be honest. Agreed that this word is probably the least-Germanic of the bunch, but that wasn't intentional. To be honest I don't find myself thinking along those lines, although with characters like these I usually try to find the common-est sounding phrasings, which in turn leads to predictably Germanic/Anglo-Saxon nouns rather than Franco-Latinate ones. (swineflesh > pork, house > mansion).... This gives me something to ponder...
Of course, I'm not against Franco-Latinate words as such (though you're right that they may not work as well in dialogue with characters like these); I think I took issue with 'affirmations' in particular due to that word's association with the modern account of love languages. It feels a little anachronistic, a modern concept thrown abruptly into a medieval story. Also, I'm not sure if it has a powerful, evocative meaning for people outside of that account. If I asked someone what a 'compliment' is and what an 'affirmation' is, they'd likely give a better answer for the former.
This thread turned into more of a soapbox than I wanted; apologies. I really did like the story! The line about "letting his ribcage open" was striking!
Haha, no worries about soapboxing. I wouldn’t have put affirmations solely in that definition—I meant it in a more literal sense in that their words and actions are affirming that which already exists between them—but this is another lesson in writing, in that what you mean, what you write, and what the audience understands can all be separate things. A good writer must align the three but anticipating specific ways the audience might interpret the words at variance from the authors intention. That’s the concept that I myself soapbox about to other writers (as someone who’s worked as an editor) and now I have a recent example from my own writing to pontificate about 😜
I think my suggestion is that the literal sense of 'affirming' is itself deeply abstract; it doesn't look like anything in particular. If readers are to imagine (that is, make an image of) what the line describes, I'm not sure that the word 'affirming' adds to that image.