Bloody Incredible! You really know how to invoke such a setting- this Hungarian themed pagan past set on the steppe, just masterful! I do agree the story lost some of its suspense after the duel- time was rather lost in the matter and while the duel was so incredibly set up, his banishment, the details of which, and just the whole second half read too fast.
Thanks so much for reading. Glad you liked it! And yes, I didn’t really try to hide the Hungarian names and themes, though of course the setting is meant to be fictional. And thanks for the feedback, it’s very helpful
I really enjoyed your story. The writing was tight and you did a good job of capturing a classic sword and sorcery tone.
In terms of a critique I found the plot fairly predictable. I felt like I always knew what was going to happen several paragraphs in advance and was never surprised. Additionally I felt like you lost a lot of momentum and Seg was largely deprived of agency following the duel. I think how it is would've worked better as set up for a longer piece rather than as a stand alone short story.
Overall great piece though. Really vivid and engaging.
Hey Maximilian! Thank you for taking the time to not only read my story, but give some feedback as well. Rest assured I'll take it into consideration and I am finding it helpful :) I'm glad you enjoyed the story and thanks again.
I remember reading an early draft you sent me a while back, and can see some of the differences - much improved, even better than first reading. Great work!
Bloody Incredible! You really know how to invoke such a setting- this Hungarian themed pagan past set on the steppe, just masterful! I do agree the story lost some of its suspense after the duel- time was rather lost in the matter and while the duel was so incredibly set up, his banishment, the details of which, and just the whole second half read too fast.
Otherwise, love it!
Thanks so much for reading. Glad you liked it! And yes, I didn’t really try to hide the Hungarian names and themes, though of course the setting is meant to be fictional. And thanks for the feedback, it’s very helpful
I really enjoyed your story. The writing was tight and you did a good job of capturing a classic sword and sorcery tone.
In terms of a critique I found the plot fairly predictable. I felt like I always knew what was going to happen several paragraphs in advance and was never surprised. Additionally I felt like you lost a lot of momentum and Seg was largely deprived of agency following the duel. I think how it is would've worked better as set up for a longer piece rather than as a stand alone short story.
Overall great piece though. Really vivid and engaging.
Hey Maximilian! Thank you for taking the time to not only read my story, but give some feedback as well. Rest assured I'll take it into consideration and I am finding it helpful :) I'm glad you enjoyed the story and thanks again.
I remember reading an early draft you sent me a while back, and can see some of the differences - much improved, even better than first reading. Great work!